I’ve been seeing this guy I really click with for a few months, and it’s going great. We have so much fun together, and he’s a genuinely good guy who makes me happy. The problem - if you can call it that - is I recently accepted a new job that requires me to relocate to another state. He’s known about the move since our first date, and he’s very supportive, but we haven’t really talked about what it means for us. We’re not like “official,” whatever that’s supposed to mean, so I don’t think there’s any expectation of trying to keep something going. I also tried to do the long-distance thing for several years before I met this guy, and it was a terrible experience. I won’t do it again.
I guess my question is should we talk about this? Or is it just assumed that we’re having fun right now and that’ll end when I leave?
The answer to the question “Should we talk about it?” is always an easy one. If there’s something on your mind that you’re not talking about in your relationship, you should start talking about it! You present the situation as if it’s obvious that the two of you won’t continue what you have after you move, but the fact that you’re wondering about it proves it isn’t as obvious as you’d like to think.
I’m happy to hear you were upfront with him about the move from the very beginning. You gave him the tools to make an informed decision about whether getting involved with you was a good idea for him, so if he’s caught feelings since then, that’s on him. The same goes for you. You say you aren’t “official” - seriously, what does that even mean - but he’s clearly playing a role in how you view the impending move. My guess is you like this guy a whole lot more than you anticipated in the beginning, and now, you’re wondering where it might’ve gone if you hadn’t taken this job (Disclaimer: I am by no means saying you shouldn’t take the job! If you’re excited for it and committed to it, you should go. I’m not a fan of letting boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever get in the way of goals.).
Don’t bother dwelling on the what-ifs. You can’t go back in time to sabotage your job interview or stop yourself from going out for that first drink with Mr. Right-Guy-Wrong-Time. All you can do now is talk about how this is making you both feel and decide together if there’s a future for your relationship. Just be sure to share all of the information upfront again: Explain your feelings toward long-distance relationships, your uncertainty about the official status and your reasons for going.
It doesn’t sound like you’re heading into a combative situation, so keep it light. Be honest and kind, and let him express his feelings, too. If you’re both not quite ready to say goodbye, remember you could stay in touch as friends or even give long-distance a trial period - our fancy phones have made it super easy to communicate no matter where we are, so we might as well be using our tech powers for good!
I’m approaching the end of my first year at my job, and I’m trying to figure out what’s next for me. So many people my age move on after the first year at their first job after college, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea for me. It’s not that I don’t want something new; I just don’t want to go through the stress of looking and applying and interviewing all over again when I am perfectly comfortable where I am. Should I try anyway?
The first thing you have to ask yourself is “Am I happy?” If the answer is no, you have to correct that. Life is too short to simply be “comfortable.” Go after what you want, and don’t let yourself get bogged down in the work it might take to get it. Going on the job hunt can definitely be a long, stressful process, but it’ll save you countless hours wasted without fulfillment and joy in your life
On the other hand, don’t feel pressured to move on. If you’re happy where you are and see yourself staying that way for the next year, stick around! The fact that your peers are moving on after the first year should have no bearing on your own life. Maybe they’re moving on because they’re bored or dissatisfied. Maybe they’re getting opportunities to move up in their industries. Maybe they’re just following the example of others without knowing why! The possibilities behind their motives are endless, and you don’t have time to analyze all of them.
The bottom line is you have to do what’s best for you. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, but don’t put yourself out there before you’re ready either. Just make sure you’re happy and healthy - the rest will fall into place.
Do you have a question you want to share with our community? Send questions to email@example.com, leave them in the comments below or simply share with us next time you attend one of our monthly events in Chicago. Whether you’d like to remain anonymous or share your name, asking the questions that keep you up at night could very well help you and our readers!